Note: Guest blog post by Aline Hanle (tweeting @Catalyst303). More details about Aline after the post.

dog-airplane-costume-funny

Credit: http://www.animalsmattertoo.com/animalfunnies.htm

The business of flying may not always be the most accurate in terms of time nor the easiest in terms of management but for some of the people working for airline companies, there is also some fun that can be shared… here are a compilation of 20 real funny pearls that may forever make you look at airline crew members with a smile…

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ARN851: “Halifax Terminal, Nova 851 with you out of 13,000 for 10,000, requesting runway 15.”

Halifax Terminal (female): “Nova 851 Halifax, the last time I gave a pilot what he wanted I was on penicillin for three weeks. Expect runway 06.”

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Lost student pilot: “Unknown airport with Cessna 150 circling overhead, identify yourself.”

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Student Pilot: “I’m lost; I’m over a big lake and heading toward the big E.”

Controller: “Make several 90 degree turns so I can identify you on radar.” (short pause)…

Controller: “Okay then. That big lake is the Atlantic Ocean. Suggest you turn to the big W immediately.”

***

Tower: “Mission 123, do you have problems?”

Pilot: “I think, I have lost my compass.”

Tower: “Judging the way you are flying, you lost the whole instrument panel!”

***

British Airways flight asks for push back clearance from terminal.

Control Tower replies: “And where is the world’s most experienced airline going today without filing a flight plan?”

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On AA, after a very hard landing in SAT…

Capt.: “Welcome to San Antonio, folks. I’d like to apologize for the First Officer’s Navy landing.”

***

bunway-airlines-landing-strip-funny-pictures

Credit: I Can Has Cheezburger?

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On an American Eagle flight in 1994…

“Welcome to Lubbock. Please set your watches to 1962.”

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During the “anyone caught smoking or tampering with a smoke detector in the lavatory will be prosecuted….” spiel, a creative Southwest Airlines attendant added., “Said individual will also be treated to a private screening of “Gone With the Wind…….from the wing”

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On a Continental Flight with a very “senior” flight attendant crew, the pilot said, “Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.”

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In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child pick your favorite.

***

“Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines.”

***

lolcat-airplane-firstclass-coach

Credit: I Can Has Cheezburger?

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“Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.”

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“Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop down from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children … or other adults acting like children.”

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“As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.”

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Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what’s left of our airplane to the gate!”

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Another flight attendant’s comment on a less than perfect landing: “We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.”

***

lolcat-close-the-airlock

Credit: I Can Has Cheezburger?

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Part of a flight attendant’s arrival announcement: “We’d like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you’ll think of US Airways.”

***

Control: “AF1733, You are on an eight mile final for 27R. You have a UH-1 three miles ahead of you on final; reduce speed to 130 knots.”

Pilot: “Rogo’, Frankfurt. We’re bringing this big bird back to one-hundred and thirty knots fer ya.”

Cont: (a few moments later): “AF33, helicopter traffic at 90 knots now1 1/2 miles ahead of you; reduce speed further to 110 knots.”

Pilot: “AF thirty-three reining this here bird back further to 110 knots”

Cont: “AF33, you are three miles to touchdown, helicopter traffic now 1 mile ahead of you; reduce speed to 90 knots”

Pilot (a little miffed): “Sir, do you know what the stall speed of this here C-130 is?”

Cont: “No, but if you ask your co-pilot, he can probably tell you.”

***

Tower: “…and for your information, you were slightly to the left of the center-line on that approach.”

Speedbird: “That’s correct; and, my First Officer was slightly to the right”

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Tower: “Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff”

Eastern 702: “Tower, Eastern 702 switching to departure…by the way as we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway.”

Tower: “National 63 cleared for takeoff…did you copy the report from Eastern?”

National 63: “Roger, Tower, cleared for takeoff… yes, we’ve already notified our caterers.”

***

Note: 5 more fictional airline crew members lines were added after the ‘Author Box’ post. Don’t miss it!

Author Box:

aline-hanle-catalyst303One of my most ‘soulful’ Twitter friend “Aline Hanle” came up with this hilarious post when I asked her curiously whether she can write funnily or not. She did that perfectly in the end. Thanks to her as well as her hubby (who is an airplane pilot!.) Aline is well known in Twitter for her inspiring #SoulSaying quotes. If you’re not already, you can follow her on Twitter @Catalyst303 and connect with her in Facebook too. In her website, Aline helps you harness the power of the mind through the Infinite Greatness that lies in your heart and tap into your soul to connect with the people, the projects, and the purpose that resonates authentically with you. Take a journey within the Sacred Sanctuary blog where you can read through the Love and Wisdom that Aline feels and write about through insightful and heartfelt articles written from her Soul.

P.S. If you like to do a guest post on arkarthick.com, please contact me HERE with the subject line : Guest Post (or) send me a DM on Twitter @arkarthick.

Before wrapping up this post, I like to add 5 more funniest airline crew members lines from one of the hilarious classic spoof movies ‘Airplane!’ and ‘Airplane II: The Sequel’. Enjoy!

From the movie ‘Airplane‘:

Roger Murdock: Flight 2-0-9′er, you are cleared for take-off.

Captain Oveur: Roger!

Roger Murdock: Huh?

Tower voice: L.A. departure frequency, 123 point 9′er.

Captain Oveur: Roger!

Roger Murdock: Huh?

Victor Basta: Request vector, over.

Captain Oveur: What?

Tower voice: Flight 2-0-9′er cleared for vector 324.

Roger Murdock: We have clearance, Clarence.

Captain Oveur: Roger, Roger. What’s our vector, Victor?

Tower voice: Tower’s radio clearance, over!

Captain Oveur: That’s Clarence Oveur. Over.

Tower voice: Over.

Captain Oveur: Roger.

Roger Murdock: Huh?

Tower voice: Roger, over!

Roger Murdock: What?

Captain Oveur: Huh?

Victor Basta: Who?

***

Elaine Dickinson: There’s no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you’ll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?

***

Male announcer: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in the red zone.

Female announcer: The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in the red zone.

Male announcer: [later] The red zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in the white zone.

Female announcer: No, the white zone is for loading of passengers and there is no stopping in a RED zone.

Male announcer: The red zone has always been for loading and unloading of passengers. There’s never stopping in a white zone.

Female announcer: Don’t you tell me which zone is for loading, and which zone is for stopping!

Male announcer: Listen Betty, don’t start up with your white zone shit again.

[Later]Male announcer: There’s just no stopping in a white zone.

Female announcer: Oh really, Vernon? Why pretend, we both know perfectly well what this is about. You want me to have an abortion.

Male announcer: It’s really the only sensible thing to do, if its done safely. Therapeutically there’s no danger involved.

***

From the movie ‘Airplane II: The Sequel‘:

Elaine Dickinson: [speaking into handset] Hello, this is the Mayflower. Come in. Anyone?

Steve McCroskey: Okay okay. Now we’re making some headway.

[responds into handset]Steve McCroskey: Yeah yeah, we read you Mayflower. Identify yourself.

Elaine Dickinson: Well, this is Elaine Dickinson. I’m 5-foot-8, 123 pounds. I have, uh, brown hair, blue eyes. I enjoy surfing, backgammon and men who aren’t afraid to cry.

***

First Woman in Line: Where is the passenger processing lounge for the lunar shuttle?

Information Agent: Concourse lounge C, fourth level.

First Woman in Line: Thank you.

Information Agent: Next?

Next Woman in Line: How long is my parking permit good for?

Information Agent: Two hours.

Next Woman in Line: Thank you.

Information Agent: Yes, next?

Next Man: What’s the fastest animal on Earth?

Information Agent: The cheetah. Next?

Female Passenger #3: Should I fake my orgasms?

Information Agent: Yes.

Female Passenger #3: Thank you.

Information Agent: Next?

***

I hope you’re having a good laugh while reading this post. Now it’s your turn to encourage us to post more stuff like this! Please share your thoughts and or any funny airline staff’s lines you’ve heard in the comments section. Can you roger that? :-)

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  • http://jennyslearningjourney.blogspot.com/ Jenny She

    Very funny indeed!

  • http://www.technobuzz.net Raj

    Very Funny :D

  • http://suchismita-onthebrink.blogspot.in/ Suchismita Pai

    Brilliant. After all the ‘how to’ and ‘what not to’ posts and all the serious reading, this is very refreshing. I am sure you will have people visiting this post again and again when they need some thing to just help relieve some stress. Keep them coming.

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