On Dilbert Blog, Scott Adams gave his readers an assignment:

“Describe your own job in one sentence, preferably in a humorously derogatory way.”

His readers were responded in great numbers and here are the best of the lot, 25 hilariously belittling job descriptions ever… (with pictures, of course! Credits goes to JobMob for compiled the great list at firsthand)

Mild Warning/Disclaimer: If sarcasm upsets you, stop reading now. Pictures were added for fun angle, not to harm/ridicule/disrepute anyone’s job designation.

Here we go: My Job is to…

25. Misinterpret the universe – Astronomer

25-Astronomer
Image Credit: http://kookaburra.phyast.pitt.edu/

24. Bring a little rain into the lives of flood victims – Government Debt Collector

24-Government-Debt-Collector
Image Credit: http://www.gerasimon.com.au/

23. Make corporate propaganda feel like folksy truisms – TV Ad Director

23-Ad-Director-Wide-Angle-Lens-Sexy
Image Credit: http://charlesdaoud.com/

22. Show you innovative ways to burn money in the spirit of patriotism – Fireworks Stand Manager

22-Fireworks-Stand-Manager-in-No-Mans-Land
Image Credit: http://www.kaboomfireworks.us/

21. Draw up plans for something that will not be built according to those plans – Civil Engineer, Transportation Design

21-Civil-Engineer-Transportation-Design-Bridge-Fail
Image Credit: http://shipitontheside.com/

20. Take numbers on pieces of paper, rearrange them and put them on different pieces of paper – Tax Accountant

20-Tax-Accountant-Funny-T-Shirt
Image Credit: http://www.zazzle.ca/

19. Run away and call the police – Security Guard

19-Security-Guard-Sleepy-Fail
Image Credit: http://qjphotos.wordpress.com/

18. Help people lie consistently to their bosses – Business Intelligence Consultant

18-Business-Intelligence-Consultant-Coffee-Spill.jpg
Image Credit: http://www.consulting123.net/

17. Make people who are already filthy rich somewhat richer by duping poor people into buying stuff they don’t need – Corporate Software Engineer

17-Corporate-Software-Engineer-Windows-Vista-Fail
Image Credit: http://windowsfails.com/

16. Supervise the guys and gals who try to protect the good people from the bad, only to be hated by the good people AND the bad – Police Sergeant

16-Police-Sergeant-Cop-Hides-Behind-Sign
Image Credit: http://www.ebaumsworld.com/

15. Take a simple two-way promise and turn it into several complicated one-way promises which neither side can understand or hope to fulfill – Lawyer

15-Lawyer-Attorney-Fail
Image Credit: http://9gag.com/

14. Make sure nothing ever happens – IT Security

14-IT-Security-Laptop-Lock
Image Credit: http://www.ccicreations.com/

13. Spend most of the day looking out the window – Pilot

13-Pilot-Last-Pose
Image Credit: http://www.funny-potato.com/

12. Shepherd clients through the process of setting their products on fire – Consumer Products Tester

12-Consumer-Products-Tester-Car-Fail
Image Credit: http://failblog.org/

11. Read things that don’t matter, then write papers saying they do matter, for points that don’t matter, in order to get a job doing something totally unrelated – Student

11-Student-Funny-Exam-Answer
Image Credit: http://www.dailycognition.com/

10. Make food that is as healthy before it goes in your body as when it comes back out – Fast Food Employee

10-Fast-Food-Employee-McDonalds-Ronald
Image Credit: http://www.lolsfest.com/

9. Write words that no one wants to read – Technical Writer

9-Technical-Writer-Longest-Letter
Image Credit: http://www.findimages.co.za/

8. Clean up an animal that makes more money than me in a year – Assistant Horse Trainer

8-Assistant-Horse-Trainer-Amazing-Stunt
Image Credit: http://howtotrainyourhorse.com/

7. Repeatedly fix what you repeatedly break – IT Director

7-IT-Director
Image Credit: http://www.experienceproject.com/

6. Make people feel bad about their work – Quality Assurance Tester

6-Quality-Assurance-Tester
Image Credit: http://borderstylo.com/

5. Show people how beautiful the Earth would be without them – Mountain Landscape Photographer/Climber

5-Mountain-Landscape-Photographer-Climber
Image Credit: http://www.uniquepicturehunter.com/

4. Call people who know what they’re doing and ask them what they’re doing – Incident Manager

4-Incident-Manager
Image Credit: http://emergency.nehalembay.org/

3. Talk in other people’s sleep – College Professor

3-College-Professor-Sleepy-Students
Image Credit: http://www.pollsb.com/ (and) http://www.studenthelpforum.com/

2. Stand on a field and get yelled at for hours – Baseball Umpire

2-Baseball-Umpire-Ruling-Out
Image Credit: http://blogs.suntimes.com/

1. Help people hate each other – Divorce Lawyer (Scott Adams’ favorite)

1-Divorce-Lawyer-Lift-Ad
Image Credit: http://www.creativecriminals.com/

You can read rest of the  funniest job descriptions at SOURCE.

Finally, I like to finish things off with my own job’s sarcastic description:

I am an inventor, loves to invent, but does not love to manufacture or sell or distribute what I invent – Entrepreneur (Just kidding! love to sell/distribute though ;-))

0-Entrepreneur-Funny-Snowman-For-Sale
Image Credit: http://www.motivatedphotos.com/

Could you live up to Scott Adam’s challenge? Try to describe your current job or one of your past career choices in the comments.

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  • http://ModelSuppliesBlog.com Anita Nelson

    Ha! These are GREAT~!!! Especially love the Security Guard and Accountant – LOL Great photos, too~!!!
    x0x
    Anita @ModelSupplies

  • http://www.gracerodriguez.com Grace Rodriguez

    My job is to …

    Teach people how they, too, can be social media douchebags. – Social Media Consultant

  • Raja Amen

    Put up with other people’s children’s crap while trying to get them to think for 1/9th the wage of a 17 year old babysitter: TEACHER

  • Robyn Sheppard

    I am a member of a profession whose primary mission is to defend you against other members of that same profession. I’m a lawyer.

  • http://www.bufferapp.com Leo Widrich

    Hilarious Appiya! Loved all of them, especially the student one ;)

    • http://arkarthick.com/ Karthick AR

      Thanks for the comments, Leo. We’ve been there & done that! So, no wonder! :)

  • http://www.homeopathyworldcommunity.com/ Debby Bruck

    These were fun to read and well selected images added a bit of oomph to each one liner. I especially liked 21. Draw up plans for something that will not be built according to those plans – Civil Engineer, Transportation Design and 5. Show people how beautiful the Earth would be without them – Mountain Landscape Photographer/Climber. I’m trying to think of one for a ‘graphic designer’ who takes a realistic view of people, places and things and whittles them down to the lowest common denominator of lines, dots and geometric shapes that leaves the viewer wondering what that icon really means? Sharing these with friends.

    • http://arkarthick.com/ Karthick AR

      Thank you so much, Debby for your kind words about the post as well as the one description you commented about the ‘graphic designer’. Really nice! :)

  • http://www.bojangles-franchise.com/ James @ Fast Food Franchise Opportunities

    I haven’t had a laugh for a while. Funny job descriptions.

    • http://arkarthick.com/ Karthick AR

      Thank you. Happy you enjoyed it. :)

  • ashley zacharias

    When the software is broken, fix the user. – Technical Assistance Agent

  • Steph

    A glorified babysitter of fully grown, whiney adults – Leasing Agent at Apartment Complex

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